when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
