We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
