Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
