New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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