I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
