Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
