oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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