Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
