I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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