You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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