How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
