Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish you could order shots online.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
