Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
