how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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