I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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