the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
