I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
