I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
