i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
