You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
