hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
operation have a gay friend backfired
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
