How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
