eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
