Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
