Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
