I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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