____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
a search helicopter?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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