jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
