if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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