That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
