I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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