white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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