jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
