i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
