I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
