I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
