he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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