if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
