a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
