Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
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