My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
worst night to have a conscience
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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