Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
