you win again, gameday.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
