Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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