You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
3pm strippers are depressing
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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