I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
