That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
