You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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