You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize