I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
