you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
