In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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