I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
