They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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