We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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