He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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