And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
