Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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