On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
