Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
