before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
