I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
