someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
