dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize