I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
