i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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