I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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