his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
