so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
