the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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