You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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