garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i love accidental penises.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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