I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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