Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
