and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
