they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
