I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
