You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
