I want to stick my p in your. b.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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