I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
