He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
