It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
