It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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