I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
