I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
